Change can be beautiful….

Sometimes we fear change even though we long for change. It is genuinely a frustrating state to be in, this kind of state feels like running in circles.

Have you ever felt this way- you want something, you really really want something, but even before you can take any action to have the thing that you desire, a million thoughts show up out of nowhere.

Thoughts that stop you, thoughts that shift you out of alignment, thoughts that tell you “you’re not good enough” or you can’t have what you want because of some ridiculous reason that you choose to believe.

So before you can take any action you are caught up in this storm of thoughts. You may even find yourself creating obstacles that do not exist. You may start convincing yourself that you don’t even want the thing that you desperately desire. But you do. The problem isn’t you the problem is we can sometimes fear change, because we feel we can’t handle it.

You can become the mountain standing in your own way.

All because- change is unfamiliar.

Even change that is beneficial is unfamiliar.

Even change you are longing for is unfamiliar.

But that doesn’t mean change is bad.

According to Carl Jung we get so used to our past experiences simply because they are familiar that we end up making the same mistakes, choosing the same path, attracting the same type of circumstances that keep us in the past, attract the same type of people who keep us in the past, almost forcing ourselves to stay in the same jaded place we don’t actually want to be in. WHY? because that sad old place is familiar. You don’t know any different yet, you don’t trust yourself to deal with change.

And if you think of change you only think about the discomfort change will bring and you only contemplate the negative outcomes when you think of change.

This is not your fault, we are programmed this way. But that doesn’t mean you can’t change your programming.

You can’t look at the future the same way you look at the past. The future holds hope and one must look at it that way. And what is past is past. The future hasn’t happened yet.

Don’t make a mountain out of your non existent problems that are just thoughts and stop yourself from enjoying all the good things that come with change.

We are all afraid of change, but change is essential. Something must change so you can get closer to your desire.

There is a person you want to be but for that you must first let go of some old habits and get new positive ones. You must first change a little bit and this is where our old negative patters start kicking in.

When you try to change yourself something inside you will fight you, because your mind only relates to the past. But keep going. If you feel uncomfortable when you are doing something different it means you are doing something right.

This is the time to contemplate -who do you want to be?

This is Spring you can be any flower you choose.

And make lists on what you can do today to blossom into the spring flower you are meant to be.

We can learn so much from Spring just by seeing the transformation of a beautiful bud that blossoms into a beautiful flower, It is unafraid to bloom into its true potential and you can bloom just as easily as any flower.

How Resilient Can One Flower Be?

-Anshudha Garimella

The whooshing sound of the wind carries a foreboding gust of melancholy

The seeds of hope are also in the wind along with the weeds we do not need

Everything is at risk

How resilient can one flower be?

She’s in the wind

the storm is destroying every pretty petal and every delicate feather

and any other fragile thing that happens to cross the storm’s path

 this ravenous storm wants to devour every flower

from root to petal

how resilient can one flower be?

There’s a flower in the middle of this field, in the middle of this storm

Beautiful, elegant flower with a colour so soothing to the eyes

A soft pink the kind of pink that flushes our cheeks

From shame or embarrassment

A bashful shimmer of cerise

But Spring is long gone and summer is no where to be found

Fall is about to leave and it will take away the corpse of this beautiful flower

But for now, she’s in the wind fighting with all her might

Knowing that she’s in a doomed fight

How resilient must one flower be to get a chance to keep her beauty?

Well, her ephemerality gives her the character of an elusive glamour

The Goddesses of Spring birth her from the ground

Then she shines when the sun casts a spotlight on her

Then a gentle summer drizzle showers her to keep her strong

Then she enters a summer full of serenity and life, balance and prosperity

Then she enters a twilight

But stays resilient for a little while

Now the fall is here, she can feel the end is near

There is nothing to fear, nothing more to feel

She knows she’ll be back but not for a while now

She falls into the abyss and that is it.

She accepted her demise the second the winds grew stronger

Because nobody could say that she didn’t fight

She rooted herself to the ground and tried to remain steady

But she was at war with a callous wind

A wind that is no friend of hers

A wind that is unkind to every feather

But the wind followed its essential rhythm

And she followed hers

Now she’s in the tomb till next spring.

Grenadine Memories

-Anshudha Garimella

I have known Red to be the embodiment of-

All things that come out of passion

Love, Lust, Desire, Rage

It is not just my blood that is red

But my dreams and emotions too

The deeper I feel the deeper the red becomes

It is all Red

Love, desire, passion, rage

And as light turns to night

The red gets darker and darker

My days start with a warm red glow the faintest red the blush of dawn

Soft to the touch, soft light

Then the day turns bright and the roses look more vibrant under the golden sun

As the day starts to wither on the vine

The sky takes a grenadine shine

The red gets darker and darker until it ends up in aging wine

          I have grenadine memories tonight

All the moments I cherish are deep and sweet

Rich and sensual

As I remember the sunlit summer

The sun-kissed poems and the taste of summer sunshine

I breathe in grenadine memories

My dreams look like sunshine

my memories too

No summer withers on the vine

If I can keep it alive in my mind

Nothing is elusive if you don’t chase it

If I accept love and happiness to be mine

Instead of chasing it tonight

No grenadine beauty will elude me come morning light.

I blame the moon for my mistakes…..

-Anshudha Garimella

There’s mysteries in the sky

But I don’t believe that the lines on our hands,

show us to the galaxies perched up high

You and I, we do have a cosmic map in our minds

That entwines around our nerves

In the form of our thoughts

They shoot out of our consciousness and flow in cosmic waves

And everything I do with my hands isn’t predestined

But I do have shackles around my hands and feet

no divine being tied me to these

I tied myself to all the pain that if I choose to leave will no longer exist

But like every other lost soul

I try to look for the answers in the lines and patterns on my hands

My folly lies in my knowing that I have the key

But I tie a blindfold around my eyes

And hope for the best each time

Lunacy is tethered to me

Because I’ve tied its strings around my fingers

I keep repeating the same day, a day which I hate

Then I look up at the sky and blame the moon for my mistakes

I blame the moon for the malaise I feel

Because it is easier to blame than to heal

I’ve often been told that the moon is at odds with me

I always felt that my rivers don’t flow with grace and ease

I’m blaming the moon for wrecking my waves and my movement with its white light

I find my waves thrash and cause havoc

But the moon is not to blame

For my lack of grace

I’m not as powerless as I convince myself

Because at the end of the day we’re made

of the same thing

The same energy

Should I choose to design this moment right here

A bit differently

I will succeed

It’s all up to me

Yet I find myself tied to lunacy

Reveries #5: You have fallen into an impressionist painting

Dear readers,

Here is another meditative reverie. The point behind these reverie posts is to give the readers a little bit of an interlude. To read something mellow and relaxing about nature. For those of you who are new to this blog- the reverie posts are like a playlist or an image to get lost into.

For this reverie post, I have chosen the idea- “what if you fell into an impressionist painting?”

I was listening to Clair de lune by Debussy yesterday while looking at Claude Monet’s paintings and it gave me this idea. I know that it is a bit obscure. But as I was looking at his paintings I just thought to myself “what if I could just fall into these paintings?”

(BTW, if there is a painting that you find mesmerizing please leave it in the comments. I would love to check it out.)

I hope you enjoy it.

As always think of yourself as the ‘I’ in the story.

And although you don’t have to, still, I will suggest, that you play Clair de lune when you read this.

Reveries #5: You have fallen into an impressionist painting

There is a wispy haze where the clouds meet the foam in the water, everything is placed strategically from the ripples to the leaves. Everything is pristine like those Waterlillies. They bloom as the reflection of the lavender sky falls on the water. There are so many colours but they are all also one. Everything is falling in place and blending together.

Time stands still and so do I. I have fallen into this world and now I am in it. In the depth of a tranquil picturesque paradise.

I walk around this little pond to see my reflection look back at me with eyes so deep.

I am lost in this paradisiacal serenity.

There is nothing here and absolutely everything. The birds sing some couplets of essential melodies that only nature can write. The wind flows but only gently. The wind is strong enough to tousle my hair but gentle so the waterlilies remain untouched.

The sky is soft, there is no indication of rain, If it rains it only rains in colour. The trees stand tall, but their branches lean in and gently touch the water.

Every now and then I can hear the soft babbling of a distant brook, while my pond stays silent, just blooming waterlilies. Time stands still but nature is moving in this image. Day turns to night and the waterlilies are now a creamy white, colour, they are lit up by the glow of the moon. The moon lights up this serene image and I don’t know how much time has passed in my world outside this dreamscape.

But I find myself protected and serene in this whimsical scenery. Just like this, I want to fall asleep and wake up tomorrow to see the golden sunrise casting its spotlight on those waterlilies.

I guess I don’t remember when I fell asleep and when I came to, but I have woken up in the real world with petals beside me.

The world will carry on but that beautiful reverie will stay suspended. In case I fall into it again no beautiful detail will have changed.

-Anshudha Garimella

Features Image- Water lilies by Claude Monet painting

The Autumn Leaf

(Poem- by Anshudha Garimella)

When the leaves are bleeding their emerald hues

lovers of summer feel the blues

We see the leaves lose their colours

but they don’t lose their emeralds in a second.

Just to prolong our pain

the green starts fading slowly

so we can see our summer fade and feel the air get cooler every day

this is a blissful moment for all those who wait to feel the cold

all those lovers of winter who only come alive when the sun becomes pale

I guess they crave to feel that heat when the snow reddens their fingers

But us, the lovers of summer we turn pale and our heat turns cold

In the end it is all about perspective

some of us see the death of summer in the autumn leaf

some of us see a new beginning

and should you see death in autumn today

I hope it is only the death of your past pain.

Because this is a new beginning

An autumn leaf carries a big decision

one you should make tonight

what should you keep and what should you throw?

which dead leaf represents your folly, heartbreak, chagrin?

watch that leaf die and fall on the pile of all the other things you were meaning to forget

so we can rake the leaves of our past to declutter

and make some space for the new

………………

-AG

Things to enjoy about autumn right this minute

There are things about autumn that last for just a minute. They drift away quicker than autumn leaves.

With every autumnal minute the sun gets paler, the temperature cooler and the winds rougher.

Soon autumn will lose its colour and all we will have is the grey winter. But as long as autumn lasts, there are so many truly delightful things that shouldn’t be missed.

  • Warm Sun- After feeling the hot summer sun, it is natural to long for cooler temperature, but with winter we will miss the sun altogether. This in between right here is bliss, it’s warm but not hot, bright but not blinding, it adds a shine to autumn leaves, everything looks golden and orange, a truly beautiful scene.
  • Autumn Colours- you may find these in the street, in your lattes, in autumnal harvest, candies, baked delicacies, wherever you find colours just grab them.
  • Embrace the change- The past year has been a trying time for everyone, in every dead leaf see 2020. It will make you feel a sense of relief.
  • Enjoy the change in tastes- Things get warmer, the menu changes based on the harvest. Taste the flavours of autumn in cinnamon, pumpkin, spices.
  • Enjoy Autumn Playlists- When you don’t know how to feel, turn to music, play an autumnal playlist online and feel your mood change. You will start to listen to anthems of autumn and with them truly embrace this in between.
  • Journal- write about what you have learned so far. Which habits will you keep, which ones will you leave behind?

Enjoy every season, there is beauty in every moment.

I hope you are having a good autumn. Happy Autumn!

-Anshudha

Reveries #4: Those Autumn Leaves

This following reverie is about the autumn aesthetic. Imagine yourself as the ‘I’ in the story.

Autumn leaves hang loosely from the branches, suspended in their glory one last time, they are barely hanging on. Some leaves fall before some others and some still haven’t changed their colour.

Autumn leaves that fall and take away the past, summer’s gentle kisses. And when they fall, they fall with grace, they take a bow and gently drop to the ground.

I watch this movement and think about the past. If I am the tree then I too can shed my past this easily.

It is that time of autumn where everything is still bright, all the leaves are not orange but we can see the emerald leaves bleeding their colour so tangerine orange can take its place.

I walk down a narrow path, trees line the twists and turns of the road, the autumn sun is blazing and pouring down golden sunshine. but there is no heat only warmth.

I walk down this path and then I find a small bridge just above still water. Autumn leaves have found a spot to lay still on this bridge, I step on them to step on the past and with it to listen to the crunching sound beneath my feet.

I lean on the bridge to see the water, the water is gentle, soft and quiet, every now and then the water murmurs a little bit.

On the surface of this water, there are millions of autumnal reflections, impressions of a season.

Birds come and go, but their incessant music does not fade, There is stillness in this scenery and yet so much change. And to think that we believe that things don’t change, but they do and they do so with grace in autumn. There is a sweetness in the air, it smells like cinnamon and tastes like marmalade. Change can be sweet.

This is the time where everything is becoming monochromatic, soon all of these leaves will be orange and blend in with autumnal sunsets. It will be a burst of colour entering our dull eyes. Things can be so divine even if for just a little while.

I can only hope that this eternal beauty shall not fade from my mind.

As the wee hours of the afternoon pass, the sun starts to fade and those birds stop singing too, now it is time for the crickets to sing, I spend the twilight making my way back. I will keep with me the colour of the autumn leaves. The colour of change.

-anshudha

Colours of Autumn

Learn from the autumnal colours, let go of your past and breathe in autumnal colours.

Green

Breathe in the soft green foliage, the remnants of summer memories. Green is the colour of freshness, nature, growth and calmness. Breathe in these words. It does not matter that the green is about to go away now, it will only go away from the physical world but it will still be with you. Keep the vitality of summer and green serenity.

Yellow

Breathe in the yellow vibration of the autumn sunshine, breathe in the golden reflection of the sunshine mixed with the yellow leaves. Yellow is the colour of sunshine, happiness and warmth. Keep sunshine in your heart no matter where you are.

Orange

The inebriating colour of autumn. Orange represents passion, creativity, warmth, enthusiasm and determination. Keep orange as a reminder that you have to stay on the path of self-improvement, throw yourself into change with a creative passion, get excited about who you could be and stay determined to be that person each day.

Purple/Red

Among many things, purple represents power, and ambition, while, red is the ultimate colour of passion, love, desire, romance, courage, vigour, willpower. Blend these symbols and colours together and watch who you can become breathe in the purple/red foliage.

Brown

This is the last colour of autumn and while this is the colour that brings dead leaves and with it a melancholy. Brown is an earthly colour that represents being grounded.

It brings with it the feelings of earthly security, safety, dependability and certainty.

At autumn’s end you will be left with dead leaves, so make sure those dead leaves represent bad habits, past, pain and sadness. And get excited about saying goodbye to these sad things. Beyond these dead leaves is a person who you can be.

Leave these things.

God speed Good luck.

-Anshudha Garimella

Things we can learn from Autumn

Welcome the month where everything is colourful and warm, at the same time the month where the past dies.

To lovers of summer, autumn can be a bit of a bitter moment, but autumnal death can be very empowering depending on how you look at it.

If you choose to kill the things that no longer serve you then autumn is an ally, but if you choose to kill bliss then you will not be truly able to profit from autumn.

Things to learn from Autumn:

  • Change is good. Change is necessary. Ask yourself this “are you the same person you were last year?” If you are and haven’t really improved. Then get on it. Because there is always room to improve. Change can be scary but still rewarding.
  • Take up a new habit. a lifestyle change, a new hobby, basically everything you wanted to do in the past but always talk yourself out of.

  • Autumn trees shed their leaves so easily and effortlessly each year, unafraid to lose their flowers because nature is sure of itself, nature is certain that it will get its flowers back. But we hold on to the past too scared to let it go, too scared to cut the cord because we are not sure of our lives, of our selves. And poetically this is why seasons exist to show us how to behave , who to be, and who we can become. More than anythig autumn teaches us that is is okay to release the past. It is okay to kill the feelings and habits that do not serve us anymore.
  • Autumn to a pessimist is the ground where flowers prepare to die, but to an optimist autumn is a second chance, a chance to reinvent. A place where we can shed our leaves, watch them blow away and be born again.
  • Think of Autumn as the first step, let go of the things that only hurt you and hinder your progress. Lose them, then spend winter building new habits and watch yourself bloom in spring and be your beautiful self in summer but today- Autumn is day one.
  • Learn from autumn the true meaning and brilliance of colour. Do you ever find yourself holding on to something even more because you feel you are about to lose it. This is what autumn does, it brings out the best of the colours and their shades so we can enjoy them one last time each year.

Autumn has much to teach us, so listen!

(let me know in the comments if autumn has taught you anything truly remarkable. I’d love to know)

I’ll even start autumn taught me to forget about comfort zones. And to only look ahead.

Happy Autumn

-anshudha